Sunday, February 16, 2014

My Victory in the Surrender



My Victory in the Surrender
I feel drawn to share a story of how God and his angels help me through a tough time with limiting beliefs. It begins with an opening of a new job position.
My usual morning starts with prayer, meditation and pulling a card from either the Arch Angel Oracle or the Osho Zen deck.  I open myself to receive and be used by God in any way He wants. My best friend is Jesus and I do most of my communication with Him. I also have an angelic guide named Jonathon.  In addition, Michael the Arch Angel and I are pretty tight as well.  
So a job position opens and I was drawn to apply. But before I did, I prayed and meditated on the question, should I apply? My answer was yes.  However, apply with no attachment to the outcome. Interesting caveat but it felt safe.  Now I have a huge fear of interviews.  Most of my interviews in my life were disastrous.  I am so easily intimidated and become so nervous that I cannot think. When looking for the answer, I only see white.  I had the opportunity to take a practice interview and thought that would be good. As I prepared for and up to the day of the practice interview arrived, my nerves steadily increased.  My practice board was awful. I played into my beliefs that I would fail and I did.  Looking back, this was an important part of the surrendering. When I failed and failed bad. What would I do? Quit?  I seriously thought about it.  I didn't know if I could whip this fear of interviews that has plagued my entire adult life. So instead of quitting, I went into prayer and meditation.  I asked God what's up. I followed your guidance and here I am unable to conquer my fear.  I am failing in the spot light of my friends and colleagues'. I went into prayer and meditation continuing asking "what is my next step". Then over the course of the next month, I was shown the events and people in my life that created the fears and limiting beliefs.  I discovered the root of this fear to be self esteem and self worth.  I didn't believe I deserved the position.  Then, one by one the people and events appeared during prayer and meditation, during the normal activities of the day, and during my sleep. Each time they appeared, I thanked Jesus and sent His healing light to the people and events.  I visualized us forgiving each other.  I experienced the healing, watching as we were submersed and surrounded with healing light. Then I would cut the emotional cords attached to me from them and watch as they faded away.  Each time an event would be presented, I would go through this ritual.  It was working; I was feeling more positive that I could beat these limiting beliefs and more importantly, I began believing I deserved this new position.  Now the time for the real interview is here.  Armed with my new beliefs in myself, I entered the interview.  I saw the stone faces and instantly became nervous and intimidated.  I couldn't remember the answers that I had rehearsed.  I only saw white.  However, when I left that board something was different.  I didn't feel beaten or defeated, a common reaction of the past. Instead, I felt anger at myself for allowing this to happen.  I was more determined to beat this limiting belief no matter what it took.  I was no longer in it for the position; I was at war with a lifelong plague of fear.  "Jesus, what can do to improve my fear of speaking to an interview board", I asked.  Toastmasters popped into my head! I knew this was the answer. 
Toastmasters' meeting agenda is designed to give everyone an opportunity to speak and to speak instantaneously.  I learned how to prepare and practice my interview answers in a way that I could remember them.  Better preparation removed the nervousness and gave me more confidence.  With the limiting beliefs that I grew up with healed and removed, it paved the way for me to excel with the toastmaster training.  When another position was available, my interview performance was substantially improved.  I was offered and I accepted the position.
In closing, I want to highlight important steps.  I followed God's leading.  When I failed, instead of giving up, I went back to God, surrendering to His guidance. Allowing Him to work with me and through me, even though the growth I received was at times very painful, I continued to surrender to His guidance.  This wasn't easy for me at all. As I said, I wanted to quit several times.  It was all worth it in the end when I so brilliantly succeeded in my last interview. That feeling of exaltation was sublime.  I thanked Jesus, Michael and Jonathon over and over and over.  I learned a valuable lesson in following Jesus by faith.  One scripture, gave me hope through this time. Psalms 23:4 "Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I fear no evil, for You are with me; Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me". (American Standard Version) Although the path may at times be dark, "TRUST" and He will be a lamp on your path, leading you into to a destination that will be greater in beauty than you ever thought possible.  I now have a deep knowing of the power of God that before this was only an intellectual knowledge.  Surrendering to God on a daily basis is the most powerful way to have a life filled with joy and happiness.

Have you had a similar experience you would like to share?  I would love to about it.